It’s been awhile…on fear and showing up (again)

I’m searching for a quote; its something along the lines of:

“We write not because we know exactly what we want to say; we write to figure out what we want to say.

That’s not exactly it- I’ll have to find it.

I write because this process fills me up; it fills my soul.  It helps me understand the world around me, my people around me, the Lord in my midst, and how my heart responds to all of those relationships.

I thought I needed to have a concrete vision, goal, or outline before I began.  This has kept me stuck, paralyzed and fearful for years! And months- seeing as it has been months since I have posted anything! What if I don’t measure up? What if my words sound ignorant or foolish? Does that mean I’m ignorant or foolish? What if I have no direction or never accomplish anything? The list of fears could go on and on.

However, none of these fears should hold the weight I’ve been placing upon them. On a Tuesday Teaching, Emily Freeman said, “Fear is allowed in the car. It does not get to drive.”

It can sit in the passenger seat, but it will not direct where my writing will go.

I’ve come to realize that even if I write only for myself- then that will be okay. I write because I have to- I must- because it is what fills me up in this dark, beautiful, messy, abundant, broken, and light-filled world. It helps me know God and know myself, and both of these things are far more than enough.

My goal for February has been to remember why I do this and in doing so, practice finding my voice. And in true Cori fashion, I’m posting this in March 🙂 It seems silly, but I’m here to begin…again, with the knowledge that God is patient with me.  Thanks to anyone who reads this for being patient with me too! 🙂 

 

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